The Fear Of Expressing Anger
By: Margaret Paul Ph.D.,
There is much to learn from anger, yet many people are afraid of this feeling because they don’t know how to express anger in ways that are helpful rather than harmful. I teach a process at my weekend Inner Bonding workshops called “The Anger Process.” This powerful process, which is described below, is not only for releasing pent-up anger in harmless ways, but for discovering what your responsibility is in any conflict with another person.
Often, when I describe this process in a workshop, some people get anxious and want to leave. They are afraid of anger and of expressing their anger. This is invariably because they come from a family where one or both of their parents or other caregivers were angry in a mean, violent way – a way that caused harm to others. These people are so afraid of being like their mother or father that they repress their anger, taking it out on themselves instead of others.
Neither dumping anger on others nor repressing it and taking it out on oneself is healthy. Anger expressed in these ways is about controlling rather than learning. Venting anger on another is about controlling through intimidation and blame. Anger dumped on oneself is about controlling feelings that are harder to feel than anger, such as fear, anxiety, loneliness, or helplessness over others.
Anger is an important emotion. It is here to tell us something, to teach us how we are thinking or behaving that is not in our highest good. You may have been taught that other people’s behavior causes your anger, yet this is generally not true. Others may behave in ways that you don’t like, but your anger at them is frequently a projection of how you are not taking care of yourself – a way to control them rather than take care of yourself.
It’s important to differentiate between blaming anger and justified anger, which is really outrage........
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There is much to learn from anger, yet many people are afraid of this feeling because they don’t know how to express anger in ways that are helpful rather than harmful. I teach a process at my weekend Inner Bonding workshops called “The Anger Process.” This powerful process, which is described below, is not only for releasing pent-up anger in harmless ways, but for discovering what your responsibility is in any conflict with another person.
Often, when I describe this process in a workshop, some people get anxious and want to leave. They are afraid of anger and of expressing their anger. This is invariably because they come from a family where one or both of their parents or other caregivers were angry in a mean, violent way – a way that caused harm to others. These people are so afraid of being like their mother or father that they repress their anger, taking it out on themselves instead of others.
Neither dumping anger on others nor repressing it and taking it out on oneself is healthy. Anger expressed in these ways is about controlling rather than learning. Venting anger on another is about controlling through intimidation and blame. Anger dumped on oneself is about controlling feelings that are harder to feel than anger, such as fear, anxiety, loneliness, or helplessness over others.
Anger is an important emotion. It is here to tell us something, to teach us how we are thinking or behaving that is not in our highest good. You may have been taught that other people’s behavior causes your anger, yet this is generally not true. Others may behave in ways that you don’t like, but your anger at them is frequently a projection of how you are not taking care of yourself – a way to control them rather than take care of yourself.
It’s important to differentiate between blaming anger and justified anger, which is really outrage........
To read more of this article
Article Source: Articles Beyond Better
RSS Feed for Articles about Fears and Phobias:
http://articlesbeyondbetter.com/rss/Fears-And-Phobias/121
posted by Barbara White | 7:12 PM
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